Will she?

Claudia was in the NICU for about seven weeks, long weeks of emotional ups and downs.  We celebrated every little step along the way.  The first goal was to get the girls off CPAP and then off the little sniff of oxygen to breathing on their own.  Next they worked on feeding.  The girls were in the NICU but they were both progressing so well.

The elephant in the closet was how their brains might have been affected...  Both of the girls had some bleeding, which at 29 weeks and 2 days is expected.  But what would that bleeding do?  We waited and waited through multiple head ultrasounds and all were pretty typical until Claudia's last one.

During that last head ultrasound through the little soft spot on Claudia's head the doctors saw signs of permanent damage.
The report said that she had damage in the periventricular area of her brain.  Even though we knew this was a possibility, we had a relatively smooth NICU stay.  We were so hopeful that Claudia and Eloise would manage to get through to be healthy babies.  We were exhausted and that was the news that pricked the balloon flat.

When Matt phoned me with the news my heart sank.  We were so worried, worried about all the unknowns and sad for all of the could have beens.

Together we slowly digested the news.  We whispered our fears to one another and carried on as best we could.  Matt was still on-call every third night and I was a walking breast-pumping zombie.

The doctors took their time approaching us.  Matt had read the results before anyone on the team talked to us.  We knew it was coming but wanted to hear a their professional opinion.  Honestly it is a bit of a blur now, but I remember Dr. Reber telling us she thought that Claudia would have cerebral palsy.  Knowing there was no exact way of telling at this point, she guessed that Claudia would have a mild case and that most likely would walk with a walker and be a pretty normal kid.

Matt and I have never been too hung up on the hows or whys of this happening.  Sure we ask sometimes but it's a fleeting thought.
We know that we really hit the jackpot because we got an amazing kid, not just pretty normal.

When I think back to that time I remember how important it was for us to know if she would ever walk.  Walking seemed like the ruler by which to measure developmental success.
Now I know that walking while important, is not everything!

My Claudia is learning to play the CELLO.  The doctors never told me she would do that!!  She is amazing and I love her so much just the way she is.  She has taught us more about perseverance, tolerance, and understanding of others than any book or life experience.  She is full of happy surprises that make two parents very proud.